1. The Boondocks

2. The Daily Show/Colbert “repor”

3. Penn and Teller’s Bullshit

4. My Name is Earl

5. The Office

Runners up: Scrubs, Supernatural, The Ultimate Fighter (disqualified as reality TV but mentioned because I like it and two friends of aquantainces are on there), High Stakes Poker on GSN

Technical award: Las Vegas. There are more effects in an episode of Las Vegas then an episdode of Babylon 5, I swear. Really watch it some time. Make an effort to ignore all the meat on display. House would be on the list if something could be done to address its sameness.

NOTE: they are in no relative order

If you are a dumb motherfucker that saw some comment I made on another xanga and decided six pages of scripture or a stupid, cryptic fucking comment would be the best way to let me know you disagree, suck a fucking gun.

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU

IF YOU’RE A CLOYING, STICKY FUCKING CHRISTIAN EXTREMIST, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? THAT FUCKING DOUCHE EVERYBODY BITCHES ABOUT THE SECOND YOU LEAVE THE ROOM. EVERYONE YOU KNOW ONLY PRETENDS TO BE YOUR FRIEND, AND THE SECOND YOU’RE OUT OF THE ROOM, THEY SIGH IN FUCKING RELEIF.

GET FUCKED IN THE ASS … maybe it will kill the bug.

I bring you all: News of the world!

If you’re a recording artist, pay attention.

This dumbfuck organization you support sues the wrong people. Routinely.

If you get caught filesharing, you get a fine of a few thousand dollars.

BFD. Do you know what a few thousand dollars is worth next to the entire future consumer value of someone in their 20s?

You know what? I bet you DO. Or at least the RIAA does. They have some pinhead kendoll dickless abacus jockey who tells them “Fuckstick McShitball, over the course of his lifetime, will spend 11,000 more dollars on live music and CDs.”

But here’s the problem. . . you think if you sue Fuckstick you are trading 9000 bucks of his money for a deterrent against the other people that fileshare, when actually you are feeding the piracy, forcing new and gale-force wind into their big, beautiful BLACK FUCKING SAILS

RIP OFF MUSIC OR BUY IT DIRECT AND ONLY DIRECT UNTIL THE RIAA IS GONE AND CLEAR CHANNEL IS GONE AND PEOPLE DON’T SHIT ON OUR ART ANY MORE!

MAKE MUSIC AND SELL IT THROUGH MEANS THAT GIVE YOU MORE MONEY AND CHARGE PEOPLE LESS MONEY!

FUCK ALL PROFESSIONAL MIDDLEMEN FOR JACKING UP PRICES AND SHITTING UP LIFE!

AND IF YOU WORK IN ADVERTISING KILL YOURSELF! (that one’s for you, Bill)

A man wanted to learn martial arts

He studied and learned to kick, punch, to throttle and throw.

Then he asked the master

“What do I have to do to become a master?”

The master put down a plank and said, “Walk along this plank.”

The student walked along the plank, over and over again, until he could walk it with his eyes closed.  

“Good,” said the master, “When the council of masters meet, you need only do that in front of them.”

The day came. The council summoned the student to a high rooftop for his test.

When he arrived, there was the plank, stretched between two buildings.

He put one foot forward to step on it and could not bring himself to put his weight down.

Man

The other night I was watching DVDs at a friend’s house with a group of buds

We had like 30 beers.

So the thing we are watching is a thing I have seen. I am drowsy. So I steal a seat from someone who was actively watching the program when he gets up. His seat was bigger and farther from other men, so it allowed me to crash

My question to you: Was this a discourteous act?

Man

The show rocked

If listening to loud hard rock while worshiping at an alter to freakdom consisting of a bunch of whackjob rock and rollers, a giant robot, and a ton of vintage porn and original, whacked out cartoonage is your idea of a bad time, I pity you.

Listen: Simple fucking fact here: Rock and roll will never die. It’s undead. If you don’t understand the appeal of participating in chaos personfied for a few hours, I don’t get you  and you don’t get me.

Son of a bitch.

There is a guy I work with who says ‘roe-butt’ instead of roe-BHAT

When talking about a fellow made of metal and such.

Annoying habit indeed, friends!

Makes me want to use an aerosol can in a manner inconsistent with its packaging if you know what I mean hurr hurr hurr unf unf unf unf unf

ah…..

where were we?

Moving on.

Rob Zombie.

Why did I just say “Rob Zomebie” for no obvious reason?

Because I am going to see him.

Found out today that when I signed up months ago for text messaging the lady signed me up for mobile web instead, and I’ve been paying a dime per text for months.

I’m pissed.

Went to a judo tournament

Have you ever been horribly, horribly beaten before?

Well, I have.

Anyway, I was not too disapointed, being as I have had 8 judo classes and the guy that beat me without cracking a sweat won the pan-ams last year and will probably be in the olympics someday.

A small gap in matchmaking, but excuses are like assholes – everybody’s got one, and it’s usually full of …candy. Lusterous, minty candy. At least in my case. Who knows what you guys keep up there?

Anyway, my legs are pretty brusied, and I that long OMG WTF car-ride home. So…a text message or email of naked boobs from certain parties would be a nice pick-me-up.*

*if your name is mark, josh, josh, or josh, not you.

     Old car is fixed
    Mechanic is really OK
    VODKA F.T.W