I was driving the other day, when I passed, walking the direction I was heading, an infamous local man. He’s mentally challenged, so to speak, and very fucking angry at the world. He accosts pedestrians, picks fights, etc.

I don’t hate him, because it’s not his fault, but I think I am in a camp with most in town when I avoid him.

THEN, coming the other way on the same side of the street, I see a notorious local drunk. He’s very fucking angry at the world. He accosts pedestrians, picks fights, etc.

I do hate him, because it is his fault.

They’re headed right for each other. Sparks will fly when they meet, but I don’t turn around.

I just drive on, thinking to myself, “Nice try, cosmos, but whatever ‘X’ you’re trying to lure me onto is not a place I will be standing today.”

Safety first, people.

Lately (Read six months or so), I’ve been trying to get ahold of one Solomon Grundie.

Since I work a lot, he works . . . sometimes… and I don’t have a phone number for him, it’s been rough.

So the other day, I saw him walking along. Basically, plodding. He was nodding to himself and listening to a musical device. I thought, “Hey a great time to get his attention”

So I headed over to tap him on the shoulder.

Diving across three lanes of traffic (did I mention I was in my car? I was in my car), I swerved toward him and yelled HAAAAAAY HAAAAAY HAAAAAAY DICKFACE while headed straight for him. From THE FRONT.

He just kept walking.

This motherfucker was SO oblivious, so INTO the pedestrian experience, he didn’t notice an SUV piloted by a pyschopath headed right for him.

So I thought, “Either he’s ducking me, or it’s really hard to get his attention. What’s less subtle?”

Hence this post.

If this doesn’t work, 2 live Crew is still together and will work, at a place I specify, for a reasonable amount of money.

Don’t make me rap you up, son.