For those who are curious: I’ve simply decided the job I had was impeding me, emotionally. I leave so mad each day, so glad to be leaving, that don’t overcome that feeling until about 6am the next morning . . .I care passionately about only a few things, and my job was interfering with them.
Which is unfortuneate, because while my specific job was not something I was enjoying, I liked the workplace and the coworkers tremendously. I’ll miss them, but if they matter, they’ll persist as fixtures in my life.
I took a new job as the manager of a set of apartments. It will be a hard and thankless job at times, but it will allow me mental freedom most of the time. And access to power tools.
Also, I will be living in one of the units I manage, so there will be no more cross town commute and no more junkfood lunches. . . bring me to another thing I’m eager to speak of tonight:
My 25th birthday is approaching fast (it’s the 24th) . .. And I’ve decided that between this birthday and the next, I’m going to lose a steady 2 pounds or so a week, with the hopes of returning to the world of martial arts, mixed martial arts, and boxing . . .why do I share this? Because I really, really need a cheering section. I haven’t done so well with not being lazy lately, and I need some shit-talk to snap me out of some deeply engrained rotten habits.
I’ve also decided that money matters, and I’m going to get some over the next few months. Even if some rules get bent and hearts get broke.
————————————————
26 and I’m flat broke, I’ve been down so long I have given up hope.
Shattered nerves anxiety, so much more than I wanted to be.
I often wonder what went wrong, but I can’t remember, it’s been too long.
Think out loud things I want to change
–Zero Down, “Down this Road”
