Things I don’t get:
When you do something you KNOW is standup comedy:
Once something crosses the line into standup-comedy fodder, DON’T do it.
This means:
Don’t drive real slow
Don’t bob around on your headphones like a dipshit
Don’t talk in a theatre, etc
Yet no matter how many times Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld makes fun of something, people will NOT quit doing it. What the fuck does it take not to talk through a movie? I mean WHAT THE FUCK.
It’s not that they do it that kills me, it’s that EVERYBODY KNOWS IT’S IRRITATING AND FORBIDDEN, everybody HATES it when someone else does it, and it’s not at all difficult to not do….it’s not like I’m asking that no one breath loundly in a theatre, or have eyes in a theatre, or not make out or anything . . . but at least one motherfucker in a theatre does it, every time. The last time, it was an older couple. The women kept explaining things to the man. . . not the occasional line he couldn’t hear, EXPLAINING things to him, like extra history and science designed to enhance the experience. What is this old bat, a DVD extra?
I was opening my mouth to get us kicked out of the theatre, but fortunatly my friend had the same idea at the same time, and said something brilliant: “Excuse me, but the movie’s started . . . shouldn’t you be setting a good example for young people?”
Stunned silence for two hours…now THAT’S comedy.
Lyric for the day, dedicated to the tough guy at the convinence store:
(Him, to friend as random female leaves store:”Yeah, I’m gonna make HER suck my dick later.”
Me, in line behind him:”Better hope she doesn’t notice what a bitch you are before she gets your fly open.”)
—————————————————————————–
Once long, long time ago, I was naive to all I know
People tried to push on to me their weak mentality
I woke up and I know I am real and not for show
Unlike you, who knows inside you’re soft
because you’re just another bullshit fake, paper gangster
-Blood for blood, (Still just a)Paper Gangster.
—————————————————————————–
Hey, I’m a paper gangsta. I’m offended. I’m goign to make you suck my dick later for that.
Last time I asked someone to stop talking in a movie theatre, he told me to “Shut up, you nosy cunt.” Too bad I’d left my howitzer at home that night.
Also, Big Bob was actually at the Liston fight and swears up and down Liston dove. Which isn’t in any way to denigrate Ali’s skills as a boxer or anything. In the end, who knows, eh?
Was the movie “The Day after Tomorrow”? Cause since I work in a lab that is heavily into the effects of global warming on the climate/ecosystems. I feel urged to explain when the question is asked, “Can that really happen?” Because yes it can, but not at that scale or in that short of time period… and then I notice that people’s eyes are glazing over… and I start to trail off… ok… I’ll shut up now.
yeah man, that’s exactly what i was looking for. I couldn’t see that repetition myself. thanks
Yeah, people talking in the theatre is right up there at the top of my list…. assholes….
Hi. I was sitting next to an elderly theater talker when I saw the rats movie with Crispin Hellion Glover. I’m pretty sure the guy was literally retarded, so they probably should have just rented a movie so he could comment on each and every line and image in the privacy of his own home. Also, thinking about this old guy reminded me of when I was in high school and a group of us took our pets to the local nursing home in some kind of good deed oriented outing. My pet at the time was a hamster which I was carrying in one of those little plastic spheres. This one old guy kept nodding at the hamster and saying stuff like, ‘That’s a really nice cat you got there. I realy like that cat. I’ve never seen a cat quite like that before’. And you should have heard him when I bit off that cat’s head and chortled diabolically…
Talking thru a flick that sucks is fine, as long as you ain’t talking on your cell phone
What really SUCKS is when people bring their little shitters because they’re too fucking cheap for babysitters
It’s not like you can tell the little pisher to shut the fuck up, and if you bash his mama in the mouth everybody is gonna look at you like you’re worse than shit
Of course if she slaps a tit in the brat’s mouth and offer you the leftovers
….
The Matrix no longer has me.
it’s one thing to quietly whisper to someone sitting next to you during a movie, approximately one sentence from each person, and then you go back to being enthralled by the movie (even if said movie is a piece of shit). when i went to go see “The Ring” in the theatre, there was a large man who was easily spooked by a lot of the cinematography and whooped frequently throughout the film. at the end, however, he did stand up and apologise for making so much noise. so that was nice.
but i will never go see a PG-13 movie where i can have the horrific experience of being packed in a theatre with kids–as in a weekend. that just sucks ass.
and people with cell phones NOT turned off during the show just need to have them shoved sideways in a very uncomfortable place. cheers.
People must think they’re in a TV sitcom or something. You know when the characters “whisper” about someone else in the room at a normal decibel level, and the other person magically doesn’t hear a damn word of it. It’s even worse when people who talk during movies aren’t bothered by others who talk.
a couple months ago before the movie some fucking teenagers were sucking face like no body’s business right behind me. i think partly because of the morning sickness but the sucking sounds were so nasty and making me want to puke. I had to stick my fingers in my ears and go “lalalalalalalalalala” before they figured out why I was doing it. it’s like HELLO this is a crowded theater, lots of people, none of who want to watch two pimply assholes suck on each other esophogus, if we wanted that there’s a different movie theater down town for that.
and brillian come back lines both of you!! cheers!!
NO, ER, talking through a flick that ‘sucks’ is not fine . . . because I am the determinant of wether a movie I paid to see sucks, and when you talk through a movie you think sucks, you make it suck for the people who like it…
Thanks, now I see the Pope in a whole new way!
I hate people who can’t keep their shit together. We’re taught at two years old to keep quiet in a frigging movie theater. So why do some people forget this piece of knowledge as soon as they turn 13?