Apparently a little whining and bitching was just what I needed! I feel quite a bit better today . . . and I think I’m almost through splinter cell. The people who made that game are in all likelyhood serial sadists. When they are arrested, and newspersons interview their neighbors, the neighbors are going to be like, “Those guys? Yeah, they were buttfuckers. Did you ever play Splinter Cell? That game was fucking hard.”
Soloman Grundie and I were snacking at a local eatery, discussing the usual: Work, gun control, the gynogymnastic potential of women at adjacent tables, etc . . . when I felt a pressing call of nature. So, natch, I hit the can. . .
And what do I find within? Aside from the usual stuff – urinal, stall, sink, a hulking manhood that scares even me with both its length and girth each and every time I take it out, and a mirror – I found the pinacle of modern weakness and overengineering:
A towel dispenser.
A motion activated, laser guided, motorized towel dispenser. You hold your hands under it, and it dispenses a single towel into them automatically with a zen precision. I hope it obeys the three laws of robotics, because if it doesn’t, gentle humanity is screwed.
Other news: I dogsat for my parents last night. Their dog is way cute, a little dumb, and very, very paranoid.
My internet is out at the home. . . which is madness inspiring.
I bought Michael Moore’s “Stupid White Men,” and it’s pretty good so far.
Lyric for the day:
Bow down before the one you serve;
You’re going to get what you deserve.
–NIN, Head Like A Hole
###—–>edit: Guess I’ll have to volunteer.<—#####
EDIT part 2: I’ve never looked at my guestbook befoere. I assumed they didn’t get used to much! So big sorries to anybody who left me a guestbook comment and got the cold shoulder . . .it was nothing personal, I just haven’t been using it …
ps – get off my case, I haven’t made a big wang joke in a long time.
Give it to me, baby.
That was in regards to the lyrics, but also? The huge wang comment (I can’t bring myself to call it a joke) was much appreciated this morning.
Okay, first off, the first time I read (skimmed, more like it) through the blog, I totally skipped over the “hulking manhood” thing. After reading it a second time, my only comment is “yeah, whatever.”
Big wang joke = lowest common denominator
Second, I had to go look up the Three Laws of Robotics (not surprising). I’m familiar with the 3 Laws of Motion (which could also apply, indirectly, I suppose), but not robotics. Interesting.
Thirdly, I have a problem with robotic towel dispensers on many levels. They beg the question “Are human beings so lazy that they need an electronic, laser-guided paper towel dispenser?” Apparently, some engineer out there thought the answer was yes. The day some genius puts a laser-guided toilet paper dispenser in a stall will be the end of humanity as we know it, and it won’t be a good thing. (dnw slogs off grumbling to self…)
Dude thanks for giving me your advice, I appreciate that… Your words ring true.
-Mike
Kalli: Joke? Lord knows, some days I wish it were . . . . . . I guess we all have our crosses to bear and immense wangdom is mine 🙂
DNW: I hope to god it was desinged as a sanitation measure and not an actual lazy thing . . .
Splinter Cell… Quite possibly the best game ever… As for the dispenser… We have reached a point of no return with automation…. soon we will be helpless, unable to even wash our hands without machine intervention…. Yesterday I had to watch 3 hours of Hee Haw reruns because I couldn’t find the remote.
err . . . I ment “Designed” . . . dammit.
Just got it about a week ago… So far it is great but I haven’t had much time to play…. I am anxious to try multiplayer but have not gotten around to it yet…
Ratings whore!!!
Isn’t there a standup comic who talks about taking care to wash your hands in a public bathroom, pushing the air-blower thingy with your elbow, and then exiting said restroom by touching the grungy door handle…
Methinks that if it was about sanitation and cleanliness, there’d be the Star Trek style motion detector doors in public bathrooms.
Oh well that explains the dilemmas I’ve been having. Must be bowing down in front of the wrong entity.
It was from an account which was shutdown this morning. It contained material that strongly racial in nature… I don’t know why they would leve a comment for me but I guess that the comments were left on quite a few sites.
You dork… the idea of my father writing erotica is kinda creepy…
LMFAO
dork… you were looking at MY hulking manhood in the bathroom, not YOURS!
Scary – a robotic paper towel dispenser… truly.
*begins work immediately on robotic ass wiper machine*
Seriously tho – I love computers – but some things were just better left up to hands and brute strength. And people wonder why I love the basic fighting arts and love cruising out of town on my mountain bike to escape society… sheesh.
Mostly people from work were invited because Keisha and I put it together. The few non-gap people I invited were no-shows…like I knew they would be.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up for tons of my friends being there and only seeing about 10 of them.
There is my apology and my reasoning. Sorry.
my dog is a freak, and the other dog is totally neurotic and co-dependant. and he lets himself get beat up by my dog, who is 1/5 his size. pussy.
I want a towel dispenser like that in my kitchen or a TP one in my bathroom, that would rock. my sloth has no boundaries!