I just lost something wonderful.

I had maybe a three page post typed up and ready to go.  It was great.  It was a long, rambling dissemination on internet culture that was insightful, funny, studded with multimedia links – it took about half an hour to write and proofread, and about an hour to annotate words like monkey, poop, dork, gay ninja, strom thurmond, white virtue, and mandrill with clever photos and links. 

I am seriously pissed off. 

So I punish you all with something from the pun lab.

If a marine mammal could do magic it would be a . . .

hermetic seal!

Like my website?  It’s a piece of crap! I made it as fast as possible with bresnan’s canned tools!

I’m starting work on an actual good site about the culture of the computer underground, but I think I will stash it someplace else.

I’m back – day one. This will probably be a long post. I’m not actually logged into Xanga – I’m typing this in a text file while I re-map the net – I’ll post it all at once before I go to bed.

8:20 (p.m.)

Well, I’m sad. The first thing I looked for after getting settled in was an old AOL/Hacking parody site I used to visit called Neato-Elito. It’s gone. Forever. After a run of about 5 years.

When I found it in 1998 it was one of the funniest things I’d ever read. The people that ran it were accesable and about my age, and we had a great time in chat.

Now it’s gone. Crap. Did any of you ever read it?

For the record, I don’t like coffee. But right now, I’m drinking it as a stimulant.

I’m sitting here in my darkening home, and time is passing me by. I’m banging away at the manual verbage translator of an vintage (read: Old) dell I scavanged from an Ebay stash purchased by my erratic employer. It’s not identical to the home build I once used to commit horrible acts online, but it’s the same age. It does contain parts of ‘Lucille’ – a hard drive and a memory module I had in my car when the rest of the old girl was seized by the Powers. I’ve got the dell website up in a window, and I am seriously toying with the idea of just putting a very extravegant laptop they have availible in the mail and telling them to charge it.

One thing that has deifnately changed about your pal Chuck since he got out of college is the thickness of his credit rating.

Sotmesc, another old hacking site I used to haunt, is still there. No one I know still posts, though – not even the admin, whom I counted a friend.

Everything is just a little different in the modern age. I feel like I am logged onto the European internet or something – tiny little differences between “A fucking misfits mp3″ and Le fucking Misfits mp3 with cheese” and getting under my skin.

Remember boys and girls – I’ve been offline, basically (i’ve maintained an email account and kept buzzing a few sites like the Onion from friend’s houses, I’m not a total Luddite) since right around 2000. That’s roughly two increments of Moore’s law. Do you know how much things change in that amount of time? Everything I loved is gone. Well, that’s not true. Some of it’s gone. Most of it has just moved.

There’s still a computing underground, but it’s a lot more full of shit and wankers then it was – and belive me, we had our share, didn’t we? Plus, all the new kids are just like I was back then – they think anyone over the age of 20 or so is a shit-eyes sellout.

Probably, I’m guilty of that.

I just shot my fourth cup of coffee. Not counting the eight I had this morning waiting for the cable guy and the four diet mountain dews I glug-alugged at work. Hey, Krootboy – how much coffee can you make from one set of grounds before you’ve leeched all the sweet, sweet stimulants out of it?

Make that five cups. You can really slam it down cold.

I don’t know how to run a p2p fileshare client/server!

I helped write one, once, but I don’t know how to run one. Napster was after my time, and Kazzaa seems like something 16 year olds do in bed to my aging mind.

Not going to install one, either. It would be like trying to put a Hemi in a Geo – this little dell would rip itself right of it’s wheels. Maybe if I get that laptop.

I’m calling DirtyVicar to see if he’s home.

Vicar still engaged in capitalism. His tart answered, however, and it was kind enough to take a message.

9:45. I have a caller. I shewed her Grundie’s Xanga site. She feels . . . that he is . . . interesting. On a visceral level. Adds that she had a “certain opinion” about ‘coffee shop people.’

Got Vicar on ICQ. I am now paying 50 bucks a month to talk to someone I used to live with, who only lives 15min away and is a local voice call. Viva la rev . . . aw, fuckit

12.00 have been reading c++ tutes and fucking around with Vic on ICQ.
THERE IS A WILLIAM GIBSON NOVEL I WAS UNAWARE OF!

I just did a shot of gin. Cheap, instant heartburn gin.

1.49 bedtime

all in all not a bad day – I did manage to reconnect with a few people. . . I think the internet still works without me (somehow) . .. I learned a tiny bit of OpenGL . . . I’ll see you all later today.

. . . Last surviving crewmember of the Nostromo, signing off . . .

This entry generated from my living room.  Please come by to feed and unhook me periodically.

—Thx

Bathroom misadventures part II:

After the episode in the Mezzican restaurant, and last night, I’m going to quit pissing in public. 

I walk into the men’s room at wal mart, ignoring a guy next to me in a gay peach colored shirt. 

I take out General Patton, and, carefully using both hands to guide his aim, order him to fire a fusillade. A long, long one – one of those ones where you lean against the wall and let out a long sigh. 

Suddenly, I hear a loud noise.  

It’s a high, girlish voice going “oh my god – oh MY GOD, OH – My . . . god!”

I look left.  Standing next to me is an attractive blond girl, chesty, in tight clothes, looking over the urinal divider at the brave general. 

My first thought was that I had fucked up – alot – by wandering into a women’s can and whipping it out.

Then I thought, “no – urinal.  You’re cool. She fucked up – alot.”

That thought was then spoiled when attractive girl after attractive, high-school aged, southern girl walked out of the toilet stalls.

The last lady in line was a teacher or preacher of some sort (also a woman) who explained to me that her church group, from Mississipi, had been on the bus for hours and that the woman’s room was closed for cleaning.  As she is explaining, I am still whizzing.  

She asked me if the men watching the door for them had said anything to me. 

At first I thought that the door watchers were either pulling a cute trick on their female friends, or me.

Then I thought maybe I had my “please, sir, don’t speak to me – I am currently occupied with private thoughts and could become violent if queried” face turned up to eleven when I walked through the door.

Then I remebered.  As I walked through the door, a very minister looking guy and a dude who had to be his son had been bracketing the door.  They said nothing to me as I walked between them, because they were both occupied with private thoughts at the expense of a trim young chicana wearing hip-huggers and mid-riff tank top, accesorized with a half-visible T-bac thong.  Maybe they don’t have those in Mississipi, and they were studying the girl for inclusion in a smart sermon about the value of conservative dress.  

Afterword, I was faintly bothered by the fact that I had so quickly dissmissed such an attractive girl as a guy simply because of my own preconceptions . . .   

I took that D&D thingy. Came out like real life
I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Fighter Ranger

Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:
Humans are the ‘average’ race. They have the shortest life spans, and because of this, they tend to avoid the racial prejudices that other races are known for. They are also very curious and tend to live ‘for the moment’.

Primary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn’t to say that they aren’t intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.

Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Deity:
Tymora is the Chaotic Good goddess of luck and good fortune. She is also known as Lady Luck, and also Tyche’s fair-tressed daughter. Followers of Tymora believe in the tenent that, ‘Fortune Favors the Bold,’ and will throw caution to the wind and trust to luck to work things out for the best. Tymora’s symbol is an unmarked silver disk.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

I went to the cable internet place today.
I signed up to get hooked up. 

I didn’t want to.
I had to.

Spam.
Pop-ups.
Java spam
A.O.L. 8.
Dead Nigerians.

Soccer Moms under the false impression that they are people.

14 year old Goths

Morrisey.

ICQ Spam.

Junk faxes.

So, fuck it, I’m back! This shit has to be stopped!
If you are one of the people who’s been fucking up the internet, beware.  I think, therefore you might not be.

I remember when it was small and good and just for us.

A quick new entry:

My five favorite fight scenes ever, as of today: (one on one close combat, one scene per movie, live action only)

1. Christian Bale Vs the Father – Equilibrium

This close range gunfight is possible the most beautiful thing I have ever seen commited to film.  WATCH THIS MOVIE!

2. Kareem Abdul Jabbar Vs. Bruce Lee – Game of Death

Come on – What could be better? 10 ft tall guy, five foot tall guy . . .

3. Mickey Vs. Goodnight Anderson – Snatch –

This scene is great because – having done that sort of thing a great deal – it precisely represents what bare knuckle boxing feels like to me.

4. Neo & Agent Smith’s tie meeting in the train tunnel – The Matrix

Remember how freaking blown away you were when you saw this? Remember?

5. Honey Roy Palmer Vs. Minoso Torres – Diggstown.

Never shit a shitter.  Nuff Said.

Runners up/and or cool-but-disqualified:

Keith Yates Vs Roddy Piper – They Live

Rocky Vs. Apollo – Rocky

Vash Vs. Anybody – Trigun

Christian Bale Vs. Every Armed Adult Male in the movie Equilibrium

Vader Vs. Skywalker in Bespin – Empire

I could go on.  The top five I mostly picked for being jaw dropping.  Anybody got a top five of their own?